Out of the Depths

I realized this morning how poorly I deal with stress. It wasn’t a total surprise actually, but acknowledging a problem tends to shed more light on it. So I sat down at my desk and read Psalm, I don’t know why it popped into my head, but it did, so I turned in three different translations to Psalm 130. And the Holy Spirit spoke life into my situation.

The psalmist cries to the Lord out of “the depths.” This is the opposite of what I do when I’m in whatever the equivalent of depths is in my life. I go silent, quiet, AWOL. I shut down and try to reason my way by sheer willpower. I don’t cry out to the God who saves, rather I turn inward, trust in my own strength and sink further and further into the depths.

And it’s wrong. It’s so far from how I should react in these situations. The Message (which I may or may not be liking more these days) says in verses 3-4 “if you, God, kept records of wrongdoings who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is you habit, and that’s why you’re worshipped.” I’ve been sinning. I’ve been overwhelmed by the reality that life is not always for me and I’ve selfishly trusted my own ability to fix that “problem” instead of releasing it to God and as this Psalm encourages, to wait on his deliverance and loving kindness.

So I’m stressed. I’m broken. I, I, I. All these problems are about me, but the world is not. But I’m crying out. Asking for deliverance; waiting on God’s abundant redemption. He made me and he loves me, stress factory and all. I don’t know where my life is headed. Sometime I wonder if I’m cut out for anything greater than trudging along and “getting by.” But Jesus seems to suggest that I am. That I was worth suffering and dying for. That my dreams are birthed in the passions and desires he has enflamed in my heart. So my mouth will cry out. I will praise God from the depths of despair and the swells of my stress. He is good. He is faithful. He will deliver me from the depths.